Fuck you Friday: How I Met Your Mother Season 9

A quick introduction to this segment. Being new to Huzzah and Bully, I wanted to bring something new, and I thought what better than my sense of humour, and my unyielding rage towards most things. To that effect, every few Fridays, I will proceed to vent about something that has poured a shot of whiskey into the bar fire that is my brain space. Without further ado…


I had great fun at university, well, I had great fun with some experiences of university, some parts were hell. What I did enjoy, was that pretty much every day, around 1-2pm, a few of us would be gathered and watch How I Met Your Mother. I had never really experienced the show before uni, how foolish I was in my youth. I loved it, the characters were a great mix of funny, relatable. It lead to loads of discussions with friends about who was which character etc. But the problem was, I never got to see every episode. So, since it found its way to a certain streaming service recently, I decided to watch it all, start to finish, and oh boy…

It was great, for the most part. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed it, but I enjoyed it the same way I enjoy drinking antacid liquid. What I mean by that is, I have this burning sensation (a desire to find out who the mother is), so I drink the liquid (watch the show) and the burning sensation is quelled, but I’m left with this horrible waxy taste in my mouth like I’ve just eaten a candle (whatever season 9 was).

Let’s talk about the good, shall we? The acting was pretty good. Jason Segel is brilliant, no questions. A genuinely funny and emotionally convincing actor, I loved him as Marshall. Sexually depraved Lily portrayed by the wonderful Alyson Hannigan was a treat, and I’ve yet to find a person in my life who doesn’t like Neil Patrick Harris. Josh Radnor and Cobie Smulders were okay as well, but Ted and Robin weren’t my favourite characters so I have less to say regarding them. Guest stars were great, and some episodes were actually thought-provoking and sparked emotion in me. Above all else, the show had its hook, you would watch the show and continue watching because you wanted to find out who the mother was. You’d be pretty fucked off if Ridley Scott’s 1979 sci-fi horror classic Alien had a distinct lack of Xenomorphs wouldn’t you? Although in saying that, I remember the hacker based film Swordfish having a distinct lack of actual Swordfish, so it can’t always be the trend I guess.

What season 9 did to this Pinata that was the secret of who the mother was, was handed us a baseball bat that was full of nails and said “go ahead and break it, and remember, you’re adopted”, and as we begrudgingly and broken-heartedly broke this pinata open, we found that inside, instead of delicious candy treats, was a snake. Now this snake could’ve been a really cool pet, something you could be happy with, my other friends at school have weird pets so why can’t I? But no, no, this snake is now dead, as that baseball bat if you recall, was full of nails, and has since, pierced into the snake, making it suffer from a mild case of death.

no one cares.jpg

So I wasn’t a huge fan of how season 9 did things if you can guess. I loved the idea of Barney and Robin settling down, because they were so similar, and they just, got each other. Marshall and Lily living their happy life and going to Italy, cool. Ted, meets the mother as the Bassist at Barney and Robin’s wedding, sweet. Thank you ladies and gents, you have a nice rounded off ending, everyone is happy and healthy, no hard feelings, no bitter aftertaste. Now this is one guy’s opinion against so many others, and I get it, the title was “How I Met Your Mother”, not “How Your Mother And I Are Still Happy And Healthy Together And I Don’t Actually Love Anyone Else”, but I just felt a bit cheated. At roughly 22 minutes an episode, I spent 4576 minutes (or 274,560 seconds for those of you who prefer bigger numbers) watching all of this. Like, I watched this to find out who the mother was because I thought that she and Ted would end up living a nice happy life together with the kids, and everything would be hunky dory. But no, Ted haaaaad to end up with Robin, for some reason. Nope, not having it. Loved the show, loved Jason Segel, Marshall is my favourite and I will fight anyone who thinks he isn’t great. But this ending, c’mon. It’s like eating a candle, one taken straight from the cake of a very disappointing and unusually bloody birthday.

With that I say, fuck you How I Met Your Mother Season 9.


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